I’ve been off the social media radar a bit for the past few days.
If I’m honest, I’ve been kind of hiding myself away worrying about my visit to the Dr. yesterday, to get my test results.
So I thought it was about time to let you gorgeous lot know what’s been going on with me, and this crazy head of mine…
2014 was going ticking along nicely, I was floating through the year without a care in the world – until I banged my head.
Yep. All I did was bang my head on a clothes rail, while at work one afternoon.
Well, said clothes rail was actually full of clothes at the time…and my head managed to dismantle it.
Ouch – was all I said I promise 😉
Yes, I was rushing, trying to do more than was humanly possible.
Deep-down though, I just knew I had hurt myself.
I think you can tell.
I didn’t pass-out. I felt weird.
A bit dizzy and light-headed. You know, sort of spaced-out.
Adrenaline keeps us going though.
I had to cash-up, I was the only manager in the store and I was responsible.
So I just ignored what I was feeling and carried on. Pretending I was ok.
Hind-sight, is such as wonderful thing. But I’m just not one of those people that makes a fuss.
I come from the ‘honestly, I’m fine’ camp – when deep-down, I instantly know I’m not.
I drove home – not quite sure how I managed, looking back. But I did, I guess it was because I kept telling myself ‘I was fine’.
As soon as I walked through the door, Jonny instantly knew I wasn’t right.
I felt sick – I wasn’t hungry and I was very pale. The biggest giveaway though? I was quiet.
I am NEVER quiet. I always have something to say.
My first thought at the end of any day though, is to find out if my people are ok?
- Had Jonny had a good day.
- Is he stressed about anything.
- Have we spoken to Beckie.
- Is all ok in her world.
- Is my Dad ok.
- Was Lulabelle (the dog) happy when Jonny arrived home…blah blah blah – you know the drill.
Me? Don’t come into the equation. As long as everyone is ok – that’s all I care about.
I’m a shocker at looking after myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I moan about what kind of day I’ve had, all the time. But if it comes to my health – I just carry on and don’t make a fuss.
So I genuinely thought that after a good night sleep, magically, I’d be back to normal.
But by the time I got to work (yes, I drove again) I felt awful.
I was dizzy, I vomited and my head felt like it had been run over by a truck.
Not a good combination really.
It was obvious something was wrong.
Eventually after much persuasion I agreed to call the doctor – who thankfully got me straight in.
After speaking to her for all of 5 minutes I was booked in for an emergency CT scan.
She was talking possible fractures and brain bleeds. My eyes were not responding to the tests.
She was worried.
At this point, I realised it was time to pay attention.
My first thought: what about work? We were short-staffed.
I know bloody ridiculous eh! It’s just a frock shop.
The CT scan revealed that I had a nasty concussion. My brain had hit my skull with enough force to bruise this much-needed organ.
I was gob-smacked.
The Dr. signed me straight off work for the week and told me to rest.
She took the decision away from me – I think she knew she had to be forceful.
The worst thing besides the headaches?
Short term memory loss.
This continued for the next three months. It was awful. Annoying and extremely embarrassing.
Yes, embarrassing. I could not remember the simply things. Like what I was doing next.
It was so incredibly frustrating.
Looking back, what did I learn?
I shouldn’t have rushed back to work. I wasn’t well enough. I went back just because they needed me, not because I was ready.
The Dr. also told me that head injuries can take up to a year to improve – of course, as soon as my memory came back, I assumed I was back to normal.
Wrong again Bev.
Early December the migraines started.
I’ve always suffered from migraines. Maybe one every 8 months or so, if I was unlucky.
But straight after the accident they started to appear more often.
Every migraine felt worse than the previous, they started knocking me for six.
I still went to work, through every one of them.
Some days I was fine, but I could feel something building. I was trying to ignore it though.
My 3 regular days off fell between Christmas and New Year. I was so excited to have 3 WHOLE days with my loves.
But, instead of kicking-back and relaxing the migraines started.
It’s like my body had stopped and my head needed to release the pre-Christmas retail pressure.
I had what I thought to be 5 migraines in 7 days…it turned out to be one huge migraine. I just wasn’t taking anything strong enough to cure them. It turned into a snowball effect.
One morning I was lying in bed (checking my IG feed) when my vision started to multiply. I saw the time on my phone it was 7:42, a few seconds later my vision went completely. I could see nothing. Just white.
I instantly burst into tears…my first thought?
I would never see Beckie’s face again. I wouldn’t never see her graduate. See her marry, meet my grand children.
At 7:45 my sight came back as if nothing had happened.
- Brain tumour.
I immediately consulted Dr Google. His prognosis wasn’t brilliant.
My mind was spiralling out of control.
Fast forward to seeing my own Dr.
Her first thought:
Stroke. Holy Shit…maybe Dr Google was right after all.
But I’m still young. How can I have a stroke? I’m healthy?
I was beside myself when she was testing my reflexes. I could see she was going through a set format.
She was frantically typing down the answers to my questions. I could see she was concerned.
I guess she had to start with the worst things and eliminate them first and work backwards.
At the end of the consultation, she said I had to have a series of blood tests.
She wanted to check for EVERYTHING.
Kidney function, liver, cholesterol – hormones, electrolytes the lot.
Her biggest concern was my high-dose HRT.
HRT and strokes don’t get along very well. HRT and migraines are not best friends either.
After having a full Hysterectomy at a young age I have been on a high-dose of HRT for well over 10 years already – yes, it’s a worry. I now know it’s something I will need to keep a close eye on.
Yesterday I went back for the results.
I have never been so pleased to find out that all I have is severe migraines, as a result of the concussion.
EVERY blood test came back good.
I could burst with happiness at knowing that I don’t need to change much except putting myself higher up the ‘care chain’.
With care and self-kindness, I will grow old with Jonny the love of my life.
I will be there every step of the way with Beckie.
Yes, I’ve had a BIG wake-up call.
I realise that work, is just work.
To the brand I am but a number, but to my loves, I am everything.
Ps. Thank you all so much for the love and concern, thanks also for the lovely inbox and IG messages – I truly appreciate each one. Mwah xx
The scare made me sit back and smell the roses, I know how fast life is, but are YOU taking care of YOU?